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by xxagelessbeauty
Summary: A RM oneshot ... hope you like it


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I took the picture frame off of my night table and looked at it, remembering the three of them, remembering the good times. Granted, I'm remembering them as my life isn't exactly as picture-perfect as it was then, with a shabby apartment, a nonexistent boyfriend, sirens creating the soundtrack of my life, and no one to be there for me. I miss them so much, I don't get why I left them anymore. That picture, we're so … happy. Us in each others arms, loving each other with all of our hearts. That was real love, and I left it to follow some … person who promised so much, but they were lying, and they got me here.

Modeling isn't easy, let me tell you. I was supposed to have been a supermodel, you know? I was supposed to do great things. Have a great career, great husband, great family, great life, and to be world-renowned. But I followed Diego Salvador, and he led me down this path. In a matter of months, I was alone and shut off from my old world, and I was nearing my old anorexic weight. Diego didn't get me help, instead he pushed me to eat less, and that soon, I'd be "perfect". Yeah, perfect for him to rape me, get me pregnant, and then force me to abort the child.

You know, I wasn't always with Diego. My mom and I, we went to New York together, and found this great agent who really cared about me, Marie Samuels. You know, Marion Crane's alias in _Psycho_. That's how Jenn always told me to remember her name. Jenn was one of the other models, huge film buff. Once she was done modeling, she wanted to go into a career in film. She was a great friend, and I miss her. Yeah, she went into that career in film, and now is an actress, just on the rise. Something I want for myself, but no one will take me.

I looked at the picture for a good long time, allowing my fingers to graze over the cut-out of my daughter that I put in there. Mine and Ryan's daughter. God, she looks so beautiful, if only I could see her now. But I can't, because Ryan's probably married, and he won't want to be near some crack-addicted, dying, ex-nude model. Yeah, that's what I'm reduced to. The "great" Marissa Cooper is sitting in some old apartment, doing drugs whenever she can, because she's dying from AIDS. I was diagnosed last year, but I can't get any treatment, it's too late. It's a miracle I've lived this long.

_Livin' my life in a slow hell  
Different girl every night at the hotel  
I ain't seen the sun shine in 3 d-mn days  
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whisky  
Wish I had a good girl to miss me  
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways  
I put your picture away  
Sat down and cried today  
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her  
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today  
I can't look at you, while I'm lyin next to her  
_

I sat in my office, looking at the pictures that are on it. Jenn made me put them on, she said my desk needed to release "who I am," in her words. She's a great friend, just what I need after Seth and Summer are too … involved in their perfect lives. I met her when she came into one of my classes that we shared, it was my design class. She was learning how to design a layout for her apartment, and I was updating my style for my firm. She sat next to me, copied my notes, and then we started talking.

By the end of the class, I had a new friend and had actually talked to someone first, a rare feat since Marissa left. It was weird, when I was talking to her; I kept on getting some … Marissa vibe. Like she had spent time with the woman I love. Of course, after a while, I found out that she modeled with Marissa. That they worked together on numerous occasions. This makes sense, since Jenn does look a lot like Marissa. So, to make a long story short, she's become my best friend, replacing Seth, Summer, and anyone else. Sydney loves her, she's the closest thing to a mother my daughter has.

Marissa came to Newport to give birth to our daughter, then left once again for New York, giving me full custody. So, I moved from girl to girl, trying to replace her, but never succeeding. So I guess it's a good thing I have someone to at least help and be a friend.

I pick up the picture and look at it, smiling as I see it's from our graduation from Harbor. Jenn and Marissa always liked that picture. Jenn because it's the last picture I was really happy in, and Marissa because we had made it this far. I wonder what she's doing now; Jenn hasn't heard anything, although she's tried her hardest to at least find out, even if it's just for me.

_I called you last night in the hotel  
Everyone knows but they wont tell  
But their half hearted smiles tell me  
Somethin' just ain't right  
I been waitin' on you for a long time  
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine  
I ain't heard from you in 3 d-mn nights  
I put your picture away  
I wonder where you been  
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him  
I put your picture away  
I wonder where you been  
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him  
I saw ya yesterday with an old friend  
_

Amazing, isn't it? How a girl with so much promise is ending up like this? Like Kate Moss, except no one is sponsoring me to recover, and I'm not headline news. I wonder what my obituary is going to say: "Marissa Cooper, 29, has-been model, extreme promise, of AIDS-related cancer, leaves behind no one." Sounds cheerful and fulfilling, doesn't it? Yeah, that was sarcasm.

Look at me, I can't even afford a computer, I have to hand-write this all out. Sad, really, the girl who was standing at the end of her driveway, text messaging away 13 years ago has nothing to connect herself with the world. Not even a land line, I ran out of money for that a few months ago.

I wonder how Ryan _really_ is doing.

_It was the same ole same "how have you been" _

It's ironic, if you think about it. I've read about Ryan, you know, and his life. How he is a big name in the world, and how when he goes to all of those swank celebrity parties, he has this one girl on his arm. I saw them in a magazine once, and I instantly recognized the girl. The other version of me, but with a different set of eyes. Well, I don't see any chemistry, and that's what those body-language experts say, but I know that they're close. Friends close, but I understand. I wonder if she's taking care of Sydney. What she calls her, all of that stuff.

Wow, I got off-topic real fast. Anyway, irony. Ryan was this poor boy, who came from Chino, had no future, the guy no one should be with. I was the princess of the town, the girl that could be with anyone she chose. I was with Luke, Ryan wanted me. Now, Ryan's the guy who's on top of the world, and can have anyone he wants. Me, I'm the girl _on_ the other side of the tracks. No future, the girl who can barely afford to pay her phone bill. I always have change though, so that I can make the calls I need. He has Jenn, and I want him. We were from two different worlds, and we _are_ from two different worlds.

_Since you been gone my worlds been dark & grey_

That picture. It makes me miss her even more, and it's then that I regret not choosing to follow her. I mean, I could be an architect anywhere; I didn't _have_ to stay in California. Is it possible to die from loneliness? I heard once that you can die from a broken heart, but that doesn't make sense to me. What about people who have gotten over the broken heart, but are lonely? Of course, I don't need to worry about that, I've got enough to worry about.

I hear a beeping come from my pocket, and I look at the timer that's going off. Great, now I have to relax. Doctor's orders. Just because too much exertion can lead to my heart rate racing, and that can lead to the untimely death of myself. Not exactly fun, I know, but I want to live for my daughter, right?

I moved to lie down on the couch in my office, and as I put my feet up, I noticed the picture was still in my hand. Oh well, I can't exactly do anything about it, it's not like the picture will kill me. As I closed my eyes, I thought about the memories of the picture in my hands, and I let the cool black leather of the couch swallow my head and cushion my dreams. I remembered how we first met, the words we spoke, the way she looked, the stupid way I approached the entire situation, all of that stuff.

I remembered the model home, Cotillion, Oliver, the Ferris Wheel, New Year's, Christmas, Julie and Caleb's wedding, my return, the time when I was happy, she was happy, and that's all that mattered to me. My brighter days. Now my brighter days are consisting of those 'family' moments that Jenn, Sydney, and I all have.

_You reminded me of brighter days  
_

I set my timer once again, so that I can get up in time for dinner with Jenn and her boyfriend, some musician is starting to become famous. They're keeping their relationship a secret, but she wants me to meet the guy, since I'm the closest thing to family that she's got. She's so excited about this, he's this great guy, and he really wants what she wants, and he said it all first. I know, sounds kind of … weird, but considering the relationships that this girl has been through, him saying it first was a good thing.

I actually have faith in them; they might be one of the few couples that make it far in this Hollywood world. This is good, because I wouldn't entrust my daughter to anyone else. You see, with what I've got, I've always been prepared for when I go. I have everything in order, and everyone close to me understands what's happening.

_I hoped you were comin' home to stay  
I was headed to church  
_

I miss him so much. It's dark now, and I never feel safe anymore. Or at least safe like in his arms. The only thing that lets me imagine that same feeling is the coke that I've lined up on the glass of the picture face. Four lines, one for each person in the picture. I already am so high, that I've named them, seeing as how I'm already hallucinating. Seth, Summer, Marissa, and Ryan. One for each of the fantastic four. I snort one line at a time until the frame is clean and in my hands.

I've called my publisher, and all I have to do is figure out a way to get her all of this. She knows who to call, and what to say, and everything. Instead of a lawyer and my assets, I have a publisher, a novel, and a girl to finish the last chapter, one that I've reserved for her.

Pick your poison, the saying goes. My poison was so many things. First, alcohol, then coke, then heroin, then coke again, then speed, ecstasy, alcohol, heroin, morphine, and now back to coke and alcohol. My poisons are numerous, and they're all killing my slowly. Of course, what's killing me the most is the cancer and the being alone in this hell-hole.

_I was off to drink you away  
_

I moved onto my mattress and lay down slowly, feeling the effects of what I had done already. I was imagining him, and he was right there, helping me settle down, and lying down next to me, his strong arms keeping me safe from everything.

I moved onto my side, and the weirdest thing happened. I felt this sensation, like I was holding a familiar frame in my arms again. Her frame. I was holding Marissa, but she wasn't there. Of course, I'm always thinking about her. Jenn looks like her, Sydney looks like her, and all of my best pictures are with her. With the exception of my last photo for Forbes, with Sydney and Jenn. We were all happy, Sydney because she was listening to Jenn and I talk about Marissa, and the good times we shared with her, and the stories we had.

My eyes are finally closed as I imagine the picture in my mind's eye. The four of us, so happy and together. As I imagine the feeling go on, I start to drift into the oblivion that I know is death. It's sad really, I don't know whether it is that bright light, or a never-ending dark. Everything is all set, I can let it go now, I can go and wait. Wait for the one I love. As I feel my heartbeat slow down, my breathing stops, and I start to lose my brain function.

I'm there, and I'm waiting. Wait, who's that? I see a familiar figure in the distance. It's … the one I love. We approach each other, and we engage in that conversation that brought us together so many years ago. "Who are you?" "Whoever you want me to be." We look like we're 16 again, and now we can be together without Oliver, without Aliex, without Trey, without all of those things to ruin what we had so many years ago.

_I thought about you for a long time  
Can't seem to get you off my mind  
I can't understand why we're living life this way  
I found your picture today  
I swear I'll change my ways  
I just called to say I want you to come back home  
I found your picture today  
I swear I'll change my ways  
I just called to say I want you to come back home  
I just called to say, I love you come back home_

I was on my way to Ryan's office to go get him awake, he was late and I just wanted to make sure everything was OK. He normally never is late, and like the friend I am, I'm going to check. On my way there, I got this … call from New York. Was it Marissa finally returning my calls? Why did it take her so long? As I answered the phone, it was some publisher, and she wanted to know if I was interested in writing something. I think it was the last chapter of some book. When I asked more about it, the woman said that I was requested by Marissa Cooper, and that since she's dead, someone has to finish it. Dead? Marissa Cooper is dead? Of course, I had to ask for details, and the answers to my questions seemed very fitting. She died on August 8th, today, at 8:03 New York time.

I walked into Ryan's office and smiled sweetly at Julie, his secretary. After she told me that Ryan was still sleeping, I walked in and cautiously shook him awake. Or at least what I thought was awake. My first reaction was that he was really tired, but Sun next to me nuzzled Ryan and whined when he got no response. If I knew Ryan, I knew he wouldn't be able to sleep when Sun was around. He loved the dog.

When I moved my fingers to his neck, they were greeted with cooling flesh, and no sign of a pulse. Oh God, he was dead. Today was August 8th, the time that I figured he had died: 5:03 LA time. The day Ryan and Marissa met each other, and now they're both dead, at the same time. It only seemed logical, that they were finally together at last.


End file.
